Subliminal
by Vader's Fallen Angel
Summary: 50 words that reveal something about Anakin Skywalker / Darth Vader.


Walking

Even such a simple thing as walking was now a chore for him.

Waltz

He remembered he learned to dance the waltz at their wedding and it became his favorite dance because it was the first he shared with her.

Wishes

He wished to see the stars, to become a Jedi, to protect his mother, to marry Padme, and to have a family. Looking down at the name of the rebel who destroyed the Death Star, he was glad he had never tried to free the slaves; he didn't want to know how badly he would have messed that up.

Wonder

He watched Qui-Gon in wonder because the Jedi offered freedom, but also revealed to the young slave power that Anakin never knew existed, and he had always been drawn to power.

Worry

The Jedi knew he worried about his mom, but they told him to let go and didn't help. He obeyed and she died. He revealed to Yoda he worried about someone, he didn't tell him it was his wife, and Yoda told him to let go and didn't help. This time he shared his worries with someone else as well.

Whimsy

He was whimsical, but hid the trait so long that it one day disappeared completely.

Wasteland

Tatooine was a wasteland. Vader looked at his own heart and thought the planet may have been a more appropriate beginning than he first thought.

Whiskey and rum

He saw what alcohol did to people when Gardulla owned him and refused to drink for he feared losing control.

War

He was a slave for nine years where every day was a fight for survival. He was a Jedi padwen for ten years where he and his master had to enforce peace though arms. He fought in the Clone Wars for three years. He was in the Imperial Navy for twenty-three years. During the Clone Wars he was off active duty and with his wife for six months of peace. Anakin meant warrior, Vader meant invader; both appropriate names for one whose life was a constant war.

Weddings

He remembered feeling equal parts joy and fear at his wedding and wondered if there was ever a time in his life when he felt truly happy.

Birthday

His birthday wasn't recorded, who would care enough about a bastard slave to bother?

Blessing

He always thought wielding the Force was blessing, but like so many other things it became curse.

Bias

Anakin had always favored action over words, but tried to destroy his bias because his wife was of the latter group while Palpatine was of the former and he wanted to prove to her that she held his loyalty.

Burning

Vader wondered sometimes how long someone could burn before they became ash.

Breathing

He wanted to stop breathing, to stop living, on some days, but that choice, like so many others, was out of his hands now.

Breaking

Slavery didn't break him. Distrust didn't break him. War didn't break him. But the dreams wore him down until he was half mad with despair and so when he went to the Chancellor's office that night he was teetering on the edge and then he shattered into a million pieces and fell for what seemed like forever because the darkness had no bottom. But it wasn't until he learned of her murder that he realized he had been broken.

Belief

Any belief he had in the goodness of the universe was destroyed before his twenty-second birthday.

Balloon

Luke's faith in the universe was like a balloon. His friends kept him floating above the harsh bad things, the cruelty, where he could see but remained untouched. So when the time came, Vader needed only a few words to pop it.

Balcony

They first kissed on the balcony overlooking the lake.

Bane

He wondered what sort of life he led that made the bane of his existence his brother.

Quiet

Growing up in a busy, noisy place like Mos Espa, he found the Temple to be unbearably quiet. But when he got a constant _woosh_ of breathing to accompany him everywhere, he longed for just a moment of silence.

Quirks

Everything human about him was hidden behind a machine that had no quirks, no ticking jaw or biting lip or anything else that Anakin used to have.

Question

He had wondered how his mother had died in his arms with such peace, but his question wasn't answered until twenty-six years later with his son.

Quarrel

They only fought, really fought, once in their entire marriage. It was the last time they would ever speak to each other and he wished he had said, "I love you" just once during the entire thing.

Quitting

He learned very early that to lose was to die, to surrender left you vulnerable, and to give up anything meant you lost everything. But he knew his death could help his son more than his life and after meeting Luke's eyes, stopped fighting.

Jump

He wished the suit had provided him with a bit more movement, but all it seemed to be good for was intimidation.

Jester

He wondered at the Universe's sense of humor to call him the Son of Suns and have him born on Tatooine of two suns, and then to dress him in black and keep him in dark space. Jedi and Sith, light and dark – did no one realize he just lived in varying shadows?

Jousting

Swordplay had been fun to him until he had to kill everyone else who practiced it.

Jewel

He saw the jewels and precious metals that made up his wife's jewelry and felt vaguely ashamed that all he gave her was a necklace made of wood and leather.

Just

He saw a slave beaten to death for trying to stop a free man from raping his wife and the law protected the free man because the free man was a person and the slaves were objects. That was the day he stopped believing in justice.

Smirk

He supposed it didn't matter if not even a parody of a smile ever touched his face any more because no one could see under the mask any ways.

Sorrow

Love brought death. Hope brought sorrow. Dreams brought nightmares. These were the laws of the universe, so when he first learned he had a son he was terrified.

Stupidity

He thought his jump on Mustfar was the stupidest thing he had ever done, until he took his son's hand on Bespin.

Serenade

When courting he sung no serenades, brought no jewelry, offered no titles, and in short knew he made a poor comparison to Padme's former suitors. And though she said all she needed was his love, a part of him whispered that was because it was the only thing he had to give her and drove him to find a way to prove his worth.

Sarcasm

"Only a master of evil Darth" sounded too much like sarcasm for him to be satisfied.

Sordid

As Anakin he supposedly embodied the best of human nature, as Vader the worst. Yet when he looked at himself, he found the two to be almost the same.

Soliloquy

When his Vader and Anakin sides would argue he wasn't sure if he should call the arguments soliloquies or one-on-one fights.

Sojourn

His few sojourns on Naboo were memories as precious to him as any rare stone would be to a jeweler or obscure flower to a botanist.

Share

He had a particular possessive streak. He shared freely what he was given, but guarded fiercely what he had fought for.

Solitary

No matter how many people watched him, he never felt like anyone saw him but Palpatine. And when he realized it had all been an act and those who had truly cared for him he had turned on, he realized just how alone he really was.

Nowhere

Home was where the heart was, so he supposed there was nowhere for him to call home save two graves.

Neutral

Vader knew the game of politics that went on in the Empire and that his position gave him power. But he preferred to stay neutral and focus on the battlefield instead.

Nuance

It scared him the day he realized that he could no longer remember the shade of brown her eyes were.

Near

He could sense his son was near and knew the fate of the universe would be decided soon. It all depended on Luke's choice and it worried him that he did not know what he wanted the choice to be.

Natural

He refused to accept that death was a natural part of life until he was dieing.

Horizon

As a boy Anakin knew what was beyond the horizon (sand, sand, and more sand) so he watched the sky instead.

Valiant

He was as valiant, handsome and honorable as the knights out of fairytales. Everyone loved this type of hero and so blissfully overlooked the darkness lurking in his eyes.

Virtuous

He never claimed to be a good man or a hero, whatever the holonet titled him. Good and evil, right and wrong, had never existed. His family was always more important than virtues few people truly lived by anyways.

Defeat

Defeat was losing all you had ever loved, valued, and fought for, but keeping your own worthless life.

Victory

Victory was preserving what you loved and valued above all else, keeping your life was optional.


End file.
